In a New York Minute

June 6, 2015December 15, 2015Leave a comment

Happened upon this piece of truth in Chelsea today

Hi hey there hello. So sorry it’s been a while since my last post–i’ve been running around New York faster than Mary Kate and Ashley in a New York Minute (stop rolling your eyes, I know you got the reference). Take today for example, I slept in until 12 (basically a first for me- who am I?!) and managed to have brunch, go shopping, go to a friend’s birthday gathering and am writing this as I am about to run out the door for dinner plans. Ew that felt like bragging… I mean more like, can I take a nap?

The more time I spend in New York, the more that feeling of being in the right place sinks in. You know the feeling I’m talking about? That one where you’re walking down 8th avenue in Chelsea, smiling just because you’re here? It’s amazing how you can go your whole life blissfuly unaware of what is to come, and how amazing another place with new people can be. I miss all of my Boston, London, and Jacksonville friends an inordinate amount as usual–but find myself feeling more long term on this New York adventure.

Whenever I think of myself graduating college next year (still projectile vomiting at the thought of being a functioning, tax paying-although I’m a Dem so not angry about that haha), jury-duty going member of society, a part of me freezes in terror, while the other screams a resounding “hell yeah,” kind of like Lizzie McGuire’s (probably crazy) inner dialogue. Someone should have really sent Hillary Duff to a therapist on that show. I mean, having a caricature of yourself on your shoulder should probably not serve as an aspiration for the malleable adolescent brains watching the Disney Channel. Any who, I digress.

Now that I’m starting to come to terms with the small time I have left in college with the loons I love called my friends, I realize how transient it all really is. I know I mentioned this in a few posts prior to leaving London, and probably after, but I think this year really taught me that not much lasts forever, and that is actually a great thing. I love being young, wild and free (now that song is stuck in your head hehe) and I love New York City.

After my first 2 weeks at my undisclosed fashion editorial internship, the realness of New York seems so much more tangible. I work with people that inspire me along with millions of other girls. I want to be equals with my bosses. I aspire to make my stitch in the fabric of the fashion future. I cannot wait to see what the future holds, and the more I think about it and entertain the idea of moving here a year from now, I also want to hold on to the present and enjoy every second with the crazies that I love.

Sorry if this post was a bunch of rambling nonsense, but I mean it’s been a while and this is real this is me (sorry Demi).

Look out for next week’s post!

Stay classy and don’t forget your sunblock you classy people!

XOXO

Welcome to New York/Shake it Off

May 25, 2015December 15, 20151 Comment

Chelsea, right near my summer home

Welcome to New York. Now, where’s T-swift and the welcoming committee? Oh well, I guess the smiling (lol) New Yorkers will have to do.

As the summer begins I find myself reflecting on the past few months. This year teemed with ups and downs, and all around lows and highs. Basically every two weeks I jetted off to another place, another adventure, location and new people. This time, I call New York City home for the next few months, until I begin my senior year of college (hides under blanket in denial).

After the highs of life abroad, the lows seem to hit quite hard these last few weeks. I’m not one for feelings or emotions (ok I have a ton but I don’t like talking about them–duh), but this last week proved one full of anger, resentment and overall sadness towards diabetes. I will admit, for the most part I am proud of the way I’ve dealt with such a prognosis. However, the fact that this disease does not have a cure keeps crawling into the edges of my mind, my happy days, my sad days–it’s always there. Who knew that the biggest constant in my life these days would be this frustrating, irritating, occasionally painful, uncomfortable, dangerous-yet-manageable, disease.

After one year, I can honestly say I am already sick of diabetes and all of its complications. I am sick of the (thankfully) small scars on my legs, stomach, arms, and hips. I am tired of changing my pumps, people’s stares and questioning looks if my pump shows. The occasional accidental bump into one of my pumps, causing a momentary panic on my part in wondering if anything fell off.

I am aware that things could be worse. However, I am learning that this train of thought does not do much to assuage my fears and pain–physical or emotional. I find myself feeling somewhat less for acknowledging my struggles with diabetes–something that researchers and doctors continue to make strides in every day. Not to mention, I am blessed with caring family, friends, and amazing doctors. I look back over the last year with diabetes and could not imagine changing anything. Ok, maybe I regret a cupcake here and there, but at least I know that I am still giving it my all. Even when I feel like the weight of the disease and my associated anxieties keeps pushing me down, I know that at the end of the day I’ll stand tall against whatever weighs down on me. I know this because that’s how my parents raised me, that’s the Goldman way.

Like they say, this too shall pass. But even in the saddest of moments, I find myself hopeful for the future, for a cure, or at least a less invasive way of managing the disease on an hourly basis.

In the wise words of my father and (later) Taylor Swift, I guess you just gotta shake it off.

So while I’m shaking (hopefully not because of low blood sugar) it off, I’ll continue to seek care until the cure.

Stay tuned for some New York posts!

Stay classy and cool peeps

xoxo

That time of Year

May 17, 2015December 15, 20152 Comments

Sometimes I like to think (and I mean look at Monte Carlo!)

As usual I am feeling some sort of way. As a chunk of my friends graduate and move on from college, I’m reminded how quickly time flies. After a fun road trip to see some friends from high school days, I can’t help but glance in the rearview mirror while trying to keep my eyes on the road ahead. (get it? Road trip metaphor… I’m so good.)

After an (somewhat obvious) observation on my part that our time together seems to focus on “remember whens” instead of “let’s talk about our future fun as friends, etc.” my friend Lauren astutely pointed out that perhaps we’re creating new memories, just with other people.

I realized, other than the obvious somber tone of such a thought, that she was right. I’m creating new memories, new “remember whens” with new people. Going to school over 1200 miles away from my friends from home does that to a person. No longer am I calling up my crew from high school to make plans for the weekend, but rather get out of bed and walk into the common room to suggest an impromptu Froyo run, or a night out on the town with those around me.

It’s much easier to make memories with people when they’re two feet away, but the real test of a friendship isn’t time… it’s distance. That subpar notion about distance making “the heart grow fonder,” I find, is just something people say to make up for the miles apart, and the impending absence that he/she will have in someone’s life.

We can’t help these things. I feel as though admitting the fact that yes, I am not who I was 3 years ago, but no, that would not be normal if I were that same 18 year old, feeling all badass heading off to a big city but having no clue of the rough edges of the world. Miley Cyrus got it right, (stop rolling your eyes please, this is real this is me don’t judge) it’s all about the climb.

I digress.

Congratulations to everyone who made it through with their bad ass Bachelor degrees in whatever your heart (or parents’) desired. I could not be more proud of my friends who slaved away through endless hours of classes and papers and finals who walked across that stage this weekend, and wish I could have been there to watch you all take a step toward your futures.

Not to make this about me, but since this is my blog and my constant stream of consciousness sprawled out on the internet for the world wide web to see, I can’t help but think of how this will be me next year (if I pass my classes el oh el). Not to mention the constant graduation anthem, “As we go on, we remember/all the times we’ve shared together…” playing on repeat in my head (thanks Laguna Beach, forever team LC) despite the fact that I am a solid 12 months away from graduation.

Any who, as I gear up to head to NYC for the summer, leaving next weekend, the fact that this hopefully will be my last unpaid internship and summer before (fingers crossed) getting hired somewhere

for like… the real world, hits me. How can I be a real person? I’m 21 and have so many mistakes left to make ahead of me. But then again, I guess we all do. Boom, got all philosophical again.

While another school year comes to an end, and with it the beginning of summer, I hope you all keep making new memories. I know that’s what I’ll be trying to do with old friends and new. Woah that rhymed.

Use sunscreen and stay beautiful peeps!

XOXO

P.S. I MISS LONDON

Happy? Anniversary

May 12, 2015December 15, 2015Leave a comment

It’s been a year?!

This week marks my one year anniversary with diabetes. 365 days.

In some ways I think that I’m lucky, only having had the disease for one year. Plenty of type 1 diabetics my age live with the disease, and have lived with it, for the majority of their lives. I’m not going to lie, that induces a level of anxiety in me that I would probably deny. That being said, this last year proves one of the worst (RIP pancreas) best (abroad, new friends, getting another amazing opportunity to intern in NYC, traveling) of my life. I’ve lost my carefree days and settled for the adult lifestyle a tad earlier than I would’ve liked. I make decisions everyday that determine my future health, which is probably dramatic but also on a realistic level, true.

I constantly remind myself that I can bounce back from this, live with this, because I know people who live with worse, and that’s not self-deprecating or minimizing the disease or what I am going through–it’s merely fact.

A lifetime with diabetes looks like a walk in Hyde park (UGH I miss London) compared to any one of the countless other diseases millions of people live with every day. That being said, I do struggle with the idea of my family checking the box at the doctors office when asked if a family member has diabetes. This disease affects more than me. It affects my friends and everyone around me–something I’m reminded of every time someone mentions cake or cookies, or sugar in general and my family and friends look up at me, in an “I know you can’t eat it and I feel so bad for you” kind of way.

I find myself smirking every time I think of this one year mark as an “anniversary.” I mean, come on. Aren’t anniversaries supposed to be a good event, marking the passing of time since a happy occasion? Or maybe that’s just my quixotic view of the world, and the word. But also, the term “honeymooning.” I mean, tell me if I’m wrong (and I tend to be on occasion… el oh el) but when the doctor explained to me that my pancreas was/is honeymooning, i literally laughed out loud. I wanted to reply with, well who’s footing that bill? And can it come back from vacation and do its damn job?

Apparently, that meant that it occasionally worked, but was on its way out (which can last for up to five years or something like that. Not fun.) So, dear diabetes, please stop ruining words for me. Especially the “c” word: cake. I miss cake. If you’ve seen me recently, I’m sure you can tell to the extent I enjoyed food abroad (damn I need to hit the gym) but even in my indulgences, I limited myself (for the most part) on what I ate in order to maintain a somewhat level blood sugar for the majority of my four months abroad.

I know this journey will be hard, the road ahead not easy, but then I think of the greatest people I know, my family, my grandparents, my inspirations. Surviving despite countless battles, and making it to another day with a smile on their faces. I aspire to be that, well… inspiring to the ones I love one day. I want to be a voice sought during a time of need. I want to be the person that brings a smile to others. I want to be someone who is more than the constant complaining and discussion of diabetes, someone that can use their voice to help those who cannot be heard. I want to be like all of the greats before me, and all of the ones that will undoubtedly come after. I want to take all of my “wants” and make them into “am.” But alas, until i’ve reached that level of self-knowledge and ability to communicate and instill a level of comfort in others, I’ll gladly take the role of some girl who writes a blog every now and then, faking it till I make it, one insulin pump at a time.

I digress.

Now that I’m back in the good old U.S. of A, Land of the Free, Home of the brave, I have so much free time. Well, that might have more to do with the fact that I am back in my hometown, pining after my Euro trip and bubbling with excitement for my summer in NYC. Not a bad life I have to say.

Stay classy and expect another post soon!

XOXO

Until Next Time, Europe

May 6, 2015December 15, 20151 Comment

*Before you read below, be warned that there are feels, and that you MUST listen to this song while reading:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RgKAFK5djSk Ok, now you are ready for the words ahead*

To be quite honest, I’ve been dreading writing this post, because with it my abroad experience comes to an end.

Have you ever gotten so into a book (or movie for those of you so inclined) that you look up from your comfy corner of your nook, three hours later only to realize that the world continued without you, but you couldn’t think of a better way to have spent those few hours? Like a sort of refuge from reality, but creating your own little present?

That has been my last four months.

Not to be clichè or overly poetic (not that I’m a poet, el oh el), but these last few months have been some of the best of my 21 years. I’ve met some of the coolest locals, best friends on and outside of my program, and found a new way of looking at the world. Okay, that’s a tad dramatic. Perhaps not a new way of looking at the world, but rather a more open view, more accepting and tapping into a more carefree, exciting part of myself that I barely knew existed before, or more honestly, was a little bit suppressed.

As I spent 20 hours in London before my return home, I couldn’t help the smile spreading across my face, mixed with the tinge of remorse for leaving such a beautiful place and all of the memories my friends and I made along the way.

My twister and I spent the last 10 days traveling France and Italy, and loved every second of our adventures. That being said, I think we both knew it was time to go home. Transversing borders and time zones, as well as languages and cultures not only instills a level of exhaustion, but also takes a toll on the psyche. Boom I just said psyche. Wow this post makes me serious… feeling some sort of way.

…And the cheese continues:

Those of you reading this that I met in London, local or fellow foreigner, thanks for being a part of this journey. Each of you contributed (in one way or another) to the London experience. That should be the name of a book- coming to a Barnes and Noble (or Waterstones) near you.

Jokes aside, it’s hard to convey in words what these last four months mean to me. Other than the great friends, the mere experience of seeing Loch Lomand without the clouds, standing at the top of the Duomo, walking up Arthur’s Seat (not as impressive… but hey, the name sounds like it is), going to Monaco, exploring Copenhagen, and countless mundane activities made awesome by the fact that I left my friends and family, and went to foreign places (diabetes and all) where I didn’t speak the language, some poor guy ruined my 3 month supply of insulin leftover by putting it in the freezer, (that’s a long, Italian story), and made it back to the good old U.S. of A unscathed. What more could a girl want?

I could sit here and go on and on about my amazing abroad experience (ok, I know, I already have haha) but I think instead of wallowing in the reverse culture shock, I’m going to spend the next two weeks with the family that I love, in a pretty quiet place, until I head to NYC for the next adventure.

As I am now officially a senior in College (projectile vomits) and am realizing that my free days are numbered, I know that I’ll hold these last few months close to me like a life-raft, especially when I feel the pressure of work and the stress of school closing in. I’ve found multiple new happy places, and a new place to think of home.

This will be the last of my abroad posts, but obviously not the end of the blog. So, before I seal that subject, I’ll leave you with something I learned while traveling: no matter how far from home you are, the people you love will always seem close by.

So, thanks for listening to me drone on about my adventures, and stay tuned for more posts this week and next, as there is nothing to do in Jacksonville Florida when your friends are still in school. Le sigh.

Stay golden and in that A.C. peeps.