Write it Out

Hey there! Shalom. Bonjour. Hola.

I’ve decided to take pictures of the interesting street art I come across in NYC this summer. Some of the ones I find, i’m sure you’ve seen a million times via instagram or just like, idk, life. But I want to document the true beauty of New York. The longer I spend here, the more places I find disgusting (I’m looking at you who didn’t clean up after your dog–lady), but also the more places I find beautiful.

Well said Mr. Einstein

Well said, Mr. Einstein

Any who, I did not start this post with the intention of explaining how to find the beauty in the ugly. But I think that’s where life wants to take me these days. I’ve had quite a few downs mixed with even more ups over the last year. Obviously, the ups aren’t the things that we fixate on in times of distress.

I know you know what I’m about to talk about… Diabetes. I feel like a broken record–like Lindsey Lohan in Mean Girls when she can’t stop talking about the “plastics.” It’s word vomit. Don’t hate me, hate the disease.

Okay, now that i’ve acknowledged my week facade of togetherness, let’s get down to the honesty bit. I am so over health. Everyone talks about the annoying aspects of diabetes–finger pricks, shots, insulin pumps that just won’t stay on (UGH thanks omnipod, I really do appreciate you, but clearly your product doesn’t appreciate me quite as much considering it can’t wait to practically jump off of my skin at the first chance of freedom). But, with diabetes comes other lesser known complications. Let’s take my sudden need to wear my glasses more frequently, or the fact that I find myself having some sort of terrible cold every month, or even more the clear lack of immune system barely holding my body together (I’m being a tad dramatic–no need to panic).

In fact, my immune system is one of the key reasons behind the development of my type 1 diabetes. Type 1 is caused by an auto-immune disease, one that causes antibodies (usually good) to attack the pancreas (also allegedly good, except mine that decided to just quit not even hopefully a quarter of the way through my life. I mean come on. You have one of the most important jobs. You can’t just j-chill in my gut like a kid refusing to do its chores. UGH).

My ever-growing anger issues aside, diabetes, or as my friends affectionately call it, “the big D” truly–for lack of a better term–sucks. I mean things just keep happening. I think i’m overdue for some amazing karma. Wait, am I even allowed to say that? Is that bad karma? Clearly I can’t tell the difference anymore.

I’ve learned so much over this past year, and maybe that’s the beauty in the ugliness. The beauty in the breakdown, because lord knows I had quite the breakdown yesterday. But honestly, nothing felt healthier than acknowledging the fact that sometimes we only have ourselves to count on (not talking to you pancreas). Maybe it’s ok to cry when life becomes overwhelming.

Life is like (a box of chocolates… jk that’s not where I’m going with this analogy) a Nicholas Sparks book (minus the Channing Tatum, Zach Efron, James Marsden, and my personal favorite Ryan Goslings of the world), after the storm comes the sun, after the emotional upheaval (hint: tears) comes a big smile. So, I’m just going to keep on keeping on, until the tears dry and that smile arrives, because life is hard, but no one said it would be easy.  And to be quite frank, I’m not sure it would be entertaining if the ugliness didn’t creep in every once in a while. So let’s redefine beauty and let some of that ugliness force us to appreciate the gorgeous life we’re given.

In the words of the aforementioned Einstein, Love is the Answer.

And that my friends is the most honest post I think I’ve ever written. In the words of Taylor Swift, but originally my father, Shake it Off.

Thanks for letting me write it out.

Look for another post sometime real soon! (Featuring friends that come/came to visit the big Citayyyyy)

Stay classy and don’t forget that sunscreen you beautiful people!

XOXO

In a New York Minute

Happened upon this piece of truth in Chelsea today

Happened upon this piece of truth in Chelsea today

Hi hey there hello. So sorry it’s been a while since my last post–i’ve been running around New York faster than Mary Kate and Ashley in a New York Minute (stop rolling your eyes, I know you got the reference). Take today for example, I slept in until 12 (basically a first for me- who am I?!) and managed to have brunch, go shopping, go to a friend’s birthday gathering and am writing this as I am about to run out the door for dinner plans. Ew that felt like bragging… I mean more like, can I take a nap?

The more time I spend in New York, the more that feeling of being in the right place sinks in. You know the feeling I’m talking about? That one where you’re walking down 8th avenue in Chelsea, smiling just because you’re here? It’s amazing how you can go your whole life blissfuly unaware of what is to come, and how amazing another place with new people can be. I miss all of my Boston, London, and Jacksonville friends an inordinate amount as usual–but find myself feeling more long term on this New York adventure.

Whenever I think of myself graduating college next year (still projectile vomiting at the thought of being a functioning, tax paying-although I’m a Dem so not angry about that haha), jury-duty going member of society, a part of me freezes in terror, while the other screams a resounding “hell yeah,” kind of like Lizzie McGuire’s (probably crazy) inner dialogue. Someone should have really sent Hillary Duff to a therapist on that show. I mean, having a caricature of yourself on your shoulder should probably not serve as an aspiration for the malleable adolescent brains watching the Disney Channel. Any who, I digress.

Now that I’m starting to come to terms with the small time I have left in college with the loons I love called my friends, I realize how transient it all really is. I know I mentioned this in a few posts prior to leaving London, and probably after, but I think this year really taught me that not much lasts forever, and that is actually a great thing. I love being young, wild and free (now that song is stuck in your head hehe) and I love New York City.

After my first 2 weeks at my undisclosed fashion editorial internship, the realness of New York seems so much more tangible. I work with people that inspire me along with millions of other girls. I want to be equals with my bosses. I aspire to make my stitch in the fabric of the fashion future. I cannot wait to see what the future holds, and the more I think about it and entertain the idea of moving here a year from now, I also want to hold on to the present and enjoy every second with the crazies that I love.

Sorry if this post was a bunch of rambling nonsense, but I mean it’s been a while and this is real this is me (sorry Demi).

Look out for next week’s post!

Stay classy and don’t forget your sunblock you classy people!

XOXO

Welcome to New York/Shake it Off

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Chelsea, right near my summer home

Welcome to New York. Now, where’s T-swift and the welcoming committee? Oh well, I guess the smiling (lol) New Yorkers will have to do.

As the summer begins I find myself reflecting on the past few months. This year teemed with ups and downs, and all around lows and highs. Basically every two weeks I jetted off to another place, another adventure, location and new people. This time, I call  New York City home for the next few months, until I begin my senior year of college (hides under blanket in denial).

After the highs of life abroad, the lows seem to hit quite hard these last few weeks. I’m not one for feelings or emotions (ok I have a ton but I don’t like talking about them–duh), but this last week proved one full of anger, resentment and overall sadness towards diabetes. I will admit, for the most part I am proud of the way I’ve dealt with such a prognosis. However, the fact that this disease does not have a cure keeps crawling into the edges of my mind, my happy days, my sad days–it’s always there. Who knew that the biggest constant in my life these days would be this frustrating, irritating, occasionally painful, uncomfortable, dangerous-yet-manageable, disease.

After one year, I can honestly say I am already sick of diabetes and all of its complications. I am sick of the (thankfully) small scars on my legs, stomach, arms, and hips. I am tired of changing my pumps, people’s stares and questioning looks if my pump shows. The occasional accidental bump into one of my pumps, causing a momentary panic on my part in wondering if anything fell off.

I am  aware that things could be worse. However, I am learning that this train of thought does not do much to assuage my fears and pain–physical or emotional. I find myself feeling somewhat less for acknowledging my struggles with diabetes–something that researchers and doctors continue to make strides in every day. Not to mention, I am blessed with caring family, friends, and amazing doctors. I look back over the last year with diabetes and could not imagine changing anything. Ok, maybe I regret a cupcake here and there, but at least I know that I am still giving it my all. Even when I feel like the weight of the disease and my associated anxieties keeps pushing me down, I know that at the end of the day I’ll stand tall against whatever weighs down on me. I know this because that’s how my parents raised me, that’s the Goldman way.

Like they say, this too shall pass. But even in the saddest of moments, I find myself hopeful for the future, for a cure, or at least a less invasive way of managing the disease on an hourly basis.

In the wise words of my father and (later) Taylor Swift, I guess you just gotta shake it off.

So while I’m shaking (hopefully not because of low blood sugar) it off, I’ll continue to seek care until the cure.

Stay tuned for some New York posts!

Stay classy and cool peeps

xoxo